How to Clean a House in Just a Few Easy Steps

Preface, this is a First World Problem, so if you are going to get all righteous, just walk away. Now.

Moving on.

Grandmother Mary Jean would be proud of what I'm about to write.

I've had my house cleaned by a number of different cleaning crews in the past. Only at various times, like when I was in a cast for ten weeks. Four different times, by four different agencies (I'll call them agencies...every cleaning "crew" is different). It never felt right when I did it. It still doesn't. But I'm running out of hours in the week and my house is getting pretty scary, so it's time to get serious about finding a permanent house cleaner.

And here's the thing.

NOBODY FREAKING KNOWS HOW TO CLEAN A DAMN HOUSE!!!

Whew, I feel better.

Maybe it's because I learned at the knee of my Grandma Mary Jean. She was notorious for vacuuming and dusting every day. Every other week she would deep clean the cabinet doors.

She was downright military-like when it came to teaching me to clean a house.

And I've slacked over the years. Oh, my, how I've slacked.

I'm ashamed at the level of slacking.

Kids...work....volunteer work....friends...exercise....maturity (which has taught me that a clean house should come last on the list when compared with spending time with my kids or my friends....all of these have intruded on my "used to be" clean house).

I simply don't have the time or the desire anymore and most of my friends use someone.

But it never works because the basic tenets of house cleaning, which were damn near biblical to my Grandmother, are being neglected. Unless I can find someone who understands and appreciates how you clean a house I'd rather it stay dirty and I'll get to it when I can.

Here are the basics:

1) When dusting, remove every item from the wooden surface you are dusting and dust underneath said items.

2) When dusting, remove every item from the wooden surface you are dusting and dust underneath said items.

3) One more time, in case you didn't fully understand numbers 1 & 2: When dusting, remove every item from the wooden surface you are dusting and dust underneath said items.

4) Dust the items you removed, even if it's just a quick swish. And dust the sides of the cabinet...and the front of the cabinet...and the doors of the cabinet. What's that? Yes, all the way to the bottom. Yes, I know, it's laborious. But it's important.

5) Wipe the dust cloth across the tops of frames. Every frame. It doesn't take long, I swear. Just do it when you walk by them. But do it.

6) If it has a glass surface (like the two huge doors on my antique cabinet in a, oh, I'd say fairly prominent position on my landing) then clean it. With glass cleaner. Please.

7) If it's a toilet, get on your hands and knees and clean the floor around the base of the toilet. Yes, all the way up to the wall and the baseboards. I know, I know...it's kind of gross. But it's part of CLEANING THE FREAKING TOILET.

8) While you are at it, wipe down the entire bowl and the base and back of the base. IT'S PART OF CLEANING THE FREAKING TOILET. And not just for one toilet. For ALL of the toilets.

9) When mopping a wooden floor, vacuum under pieces of furniture. Then mop the same area. You know, it's very obvious when someone is on the floor playing with their pets if a massive pile of dust and pet hair is growing under a buffet or a cabinet as if in a petri dish. It is fully expected that these surfaces get the same love and attention as the rest of the hard wood floors.

10) Look for cobwebs and destroy them. Sometimes, they are easy to spot. Like on the wall, eye level. You can use your vacuum to suck them up or the dusting cloth you just used to wipe of the top of the frames I mentioned. Just don't ignore them. Please.

It's bad enough that we live in a world where we no longer mop the kitchen floor on our hands and knees. My Grandmother is screaming from heaven and disturbing the angels because of this, I'm certain of it.

I fear that, along with the sewing/quilting, the printed newspaper, actual paper books, in person human interaction and phone calls, the art of housecleaning has disappeared.

My children are in for a looooong weekend. House cleaning boot camp is about to commence.

Oh, and if you happen to know any cleaning services that are run by a Depression Era, World War II Grandma? Send me the info. I'll pay anything.

p.s. Photos are from AFTER my house was recently cleaned...by a crew of three. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, give me strength.

My New Kitchen Toy!

I have all the gadgets.

I've got the food processor.

The blender.

The Kitchen Aid.

Two crockpots.

A rice steamer.

A waffle maker.

We use the waffle maker on birthdays. I use the Kitchen Aid during holidays. The blender? During the summer on those rare occasions when I make fun cocktails (otherwise it's the old standby's: wine, beer and vodka tonics). The rice steamer gets used pretty regularly and, if you like rice, is something I highly recommend.

The problem with all of these gadgets is storing the damn things.

To store them, I have to put them out of sight. And in my house? That's the kiss of death.

I have two gadgets, though, that I've decided I cannot live without and I'm so jazzed about the newest one that I have to share. I like them so much that I don't forget about them. I'm pretty sure I caught the Kitchen Aid whispering "I hate you" tonight when I passed her by to pull them off the shelves again.

Let me tell you about the first one that I've had for a little over a year. It is so awesome that I will literally plan a day to just use it.

It's the food saver. And Oh. My. God. Has it saved me.

This thing will shrink wrap anything, liquid or solid. I used it when we went on a 16 day trip through Yellowstone, etc, in our fifth wheel and, no joke, I prepared ahead of time enough meals and/or ingredients that we only ate dinner out three times. And it fit in our fifth wheel freezer!

I freeze the usual left over meals, like chili and stew, but also gravy to use in later recipes. I'll make a lasagne and freeze individual pieces so that Brian can grab one on the way out the door for work and by lunchtime it has thawed out enough to reheat. I will chop four or five onions at a time and freeze individual bags of one chopped onion each for later recipes. If I find a smoking deal on ground beef I will stock up and break it out into individual bags of a pound each. Honestly, I don't think there is anything I've found yet that I won't freeze using the food saver.

My only advice? Buy the actual Food Saver brand and then search for bags on Amazon that have high ratings. The off brand bags are cheaper. I got my Food Saver at Costco on sale for $139. It has easily saved me more than that.

Now, drum roll, about my new toy.

The Instantpot pressure cooker is the BOMB (shout out to Marcia, who I work with, for hooking me up)!

All I can say is that the meat in our house will never taste the same again. I'm getting rid of the crockpots too. This thing will BE a crockpot if that's what you want. The problem with the crockpots is that I've never been able to get the absolute most out of a piece of meat when using them. The Instantpot? Holy cow. The meat tastes like it came from a restaurant.

Most of the meat I've cooked so far has taken less than 30 minutes. Tonight I cooked an entire chicken, which was still partly frozen in the middle, and the actual pressure cooking time was 20 minutes flat.

The pot has a feature that allows you to saute in it; it heats up almost immediately, meaning the gravy I made when the chicken was completed was boiling in half the time it takes on the stove.

I made Kalua Pig last night - using a 5 lb bone in pork shoulder roast - and damn near had an orgasm it was so good.

Okay, that's a slight exaggeration, but you get the idea. It was tender and succulent and the flavor was out of this world. This one took 90 minutes but the preparation was so simple that it just meant I needed to make sure I planned ahead, which I did.

The Instantpot will allow you to release the pressure immediately when an item is finished cooking or, as with the Kalua Pig, it will release the pressure itself slowly. I wasn't going to be home when it finished due to kid taxi duty so I didn't have to worry about it overcooking.

I knew after the first use that I was in love. After not getting home from work until 7:45, and walking into a room with three people staring at me blindly asking "what's for dinner", I grabbed what I had one hand. That included three frozen chicken breasts. What can I say, we were overdue for a visit to the grocery store. I almost made them eat cereal, but instead tossed the breasts into the Instantpot along with some salsa, chili powder and salt. Voila! Fifteen minutes later we had shredded chicken tacos (it took five minutes for the cooker to pressurize and ten minutes to cook the chicken).

The first day I had off following that first success I searched a website referred by Marcia called Nom Nom Paleo and started printing recipes (the Kalua Pork photo is from her site but mine looked just the same, promise). I chose ones that I thought might be fairly easy, then hit the grocery store, and now I've got three meals cooked and frozen (hence my deepening love for the Food Saver) and tomorrow night we are eating Indian Curry Spareribs. It won't be until later in the evening but everything is ready and this one will take 35 minutes - 20 to cook and 15 to depressurize naturally.

If it is as good as what I've made so far you will hear the moaning across town.

If anyone else reading this has an Instantpot and wants to share recipes then I'm your girl. Please. I'm begging you.

Between the speed, efficiency and brilliant ability to leave meat moist and tender coupled with the option of freezing meals and not having to worry about what to make for dinner I'm sure my life will be a little more simple now. It seems like every night either I work late, the kids have activities, or both.

Now I don't have to feel guilty anymore for picking up carry out three or four nights a week.

And I'll have more time for wine and catching up with the kids about their day (not necessarily in that order, promise).

Get an Instantpot and a Food Saver. You won't regret it.

Tornado Brain and Remembering What Matters

Ok, so I can’t keep up with my own self.

With my head.

My appetite.

My emotions.

I don’t blog more because, frankly, every day there is something. Something to add. Something new.

So I wait until things settle.

But they don’t.

My God. They don’t.

My daughter’s activities are never ending.

My son’s activities are never ending.

My husband needs to have his space. Because that’s who he is.

And I love them all three. I want to experience all of their activities, be a part of all their needs.

But I love my friends.

I need my friends.

I want to do everything my friends have planned.

And it’s March.

Basketball interferes.

Because in March, basketball is EVERYTHING to me. Well, almost. Those three people, sigh. Basketball is number four in March.

And I need to call my mom more. Because she needs me.

And I need to see my grandmother more. Because I love her.

And I need to connect with my cousin the hermit more. Because I miss her.

But my country is in flames.

Donald Trump is my waking nightmare.

And I have to help. Have to keep working behind the scenes, in ways others don’t know I’m working. Being an activist, using my past connections delicately, prudently, to try and change things the next election.

I’m not sitting idle. I promise. You just don't know that I'm not sitting idle.

And I’m not exercising. Because I’m tired. Because I don’t care.

But I DO care. I don’t ever want to gain the weight back.

And it weighs on me.

So I’m on my second glass of wine tonight. Because it tastes good. And now I’m putting this on paper, so it’s an outlet. Like steam escaping from my new pressure cooker.

The pressure cooker that allowed me to make four different meals today that I can freeze. So that when I work late I can have something thawed for my family to eat.

They don't function the same when I'm not home taking care of things. And before you judge, I WANT to be home to take care of things. It is a way I show my family that I love them and I like it.

I'm a mix. A modern day woman, colored hair to boot, with the Greatest Generation's influence that leaves me feeling warm and satisfied when I cook for my family. When I'm THERE for them.

Because I’ve been working a little more lately, worried about my co-workers. We are a small crew and I’m just a part-time helper. But when several of us need time off there is no one else. It’s not my job to fix, but I care. I love my co-workers. I love my boss. I love the store.

Pause.

I just breathed for the first time since I started typing.

And in that breath, I thought of Rhyan Loos. And her fight. My niece Hannah and the fight she lost. My cousin Rachael and the roller coaster of fights she has lived through.

I thought of my friends, who are struggling in their marriages.

I thought of my kid's peers and their own personal battles, from divorced homes to self-esteem issues and a myriad of themes, many of which we all have a connection to.

I thought of relatives…who I avoid. Because it’s awkward…not traditional…forced, obligated, when I don’t know them. Haven’t ever connected. Because my “story” isn’t normal. Yet I feel guilt. For not connecting.

And I feel like a failure. Deep, deep disappointment over a goal I had set. A training applied to with Department of Justice that I was rejected for. Because of the employment gap that I wrote about some time ago. The gap for those of us who leave our careers to stay home with our families. I knew this would happen.

The gap reared her ugly head and is the reason I was rejected. I feel humiliated. Washed up. Fear that I would be unable to provide for my family if I had to.

I breathe again. Sigh. Let it out.

I know in my head, yeah, in my heart, that this is all normal. I’m normal. My doubts, fatigue, worry and stress are normal and actually far less than the worry many others shoulder.

I bring it around.

First World Problem.

We are healthy.

I’ll say it again.

We. Are. Healthy.

That’s all that matters.

I can breathe again, while feeling relief that I can sleep now...because I remember the most important thing. The one thing that none of us can control and the one thing that can destroy us.

We. Are. Healthy.

And I’m good now.

Why, You Ask, Am #IWITHHER? Here's Why!

I've been asked many times over the years why I appear to "know so much" about politics and how I "decided to become a Democrat." Sometimes I think the questions are sincere. Other times I'm pretty sure I am being mocked.

My usual response involves an acknowledgement that I quit watching cable and TV news a long time ago (other than C-Span when I've got a little caffeine in me), a list of reputable news periodicals that I voraciously read which involve international publications and the Associated Press (no, I don't have an unlimited amount of time on my hands; I typically spend several hours a night in bed reading, resulting in less sleep); a humbling admission that I allow myself to cheat at times and read clearly biased opinion pieces because, well, because I'm human and still have a school girl type crush on Jon Stewart (KNOWING they are biased is the key) and then I refer the inquiring person to the Democratic platform. Because that is obviously WHY I am a Democrat.

Nobody ever wants to read the platform, sigh. Too long?

The point of this blog, though, is that I get asked. And lately I've been getting asked how I can support Hillary Clinton.

I've started some form or other of this blog many times over the last six months. Someone wisely recommended that I should share positive things about her rather than negative beliefs about her opponent so I'm going to try. Here's the rub though.

It takes time to list all of the reasons I support her because the details matter.

The details really do matter.

They may not matter to the media or to Americans who like their news served up quickly, provocatively and with two teams always in opposition. The details may seem boring and mundane to a population looking for a bad guy, ready to interrupt any form of detailed explanation with a "yes, BUT!!!" They may not be of importance to a generation weaned on reality television and visual stimulation.

They matter to me though. Which is why I not only support Hillary Clinton but I've actively volunteered with the campaign.

I'm known for being wordy, writing and talking too long. I'll try to be concise, clear and to the point. I'll try to include links to evidence supporting my position, all the while knowing and understanding that for those of you who within your soul of souls openly, viscerally and passionately hate her (yeah, that really isn't too harsh of a word considering some of you openly wish to see her executed) you won't read this and, if you do, you will be frothing at the mouth ready to pounce.

Let's jump right in, though, and get Benghazi out of the way first.

A bad thing happened in a dangerous country, to one of our embassies. It has happened before. In 1983 in Kuwait, in 1983 in Beirut when 63 died, in 2004 in Uzbekistan, in 2006 in Karachi (one of our diplomats died), again in 2006 in Damascus, in 2007 in Athens, and in 2008 in Serbia and in Yemen.

Two details and then we can move on.

First, none of those attacks resulted in a single investigation.

Benghazi has resulted in more investigations than the Boston Marathon bombing, the Oklahoma City bombing, the 9/11 attacks, and the U.S.S. Cole attack combined. 3,184 Americans died during these combined attacks and well over 6,000 were injured.

Second, there have been eight separate (one ongoing) investigations that included two Senate and six GOP dominated House committees. Within these committees there have been 32 separate hearings. Thirty two. 32. Let me say it again, in case you didn't understand. THIRTY TWO HEARINGS.

$7 million and two years later the investigations found no evidence of negligence or wrongdoing by the state department.

This is why I do not engage, debate or argue with people who are still hanging on to Benghazi.

Moving on.

The emails.

Previous Secretaries of State used their private email accounts. Yes, there were differences vis-a-vis the server. Hillary is notoriously not tech savvy. Neither am I. Which is why I looked at the situation a little more closely. She was allowed to use it. She admitted, in hind site, it wasn't the best choice. Technology changes quickly and she had asked to be allowed to use her Blackberry (meaning requesting tighter security on it) because she was comfortable and familiar with it and had been denied.

The FBI investigated. The did not find a case that would support bringing criminal charges. The final statement as it relates the investigation: "Opinions are irrelevant, and they were all uninformed by insight into our investigation, because we did the investigation the right way. Only facts matter, and the FBI found them here in an entirely apolitical and professional way."

By many estimates, $20 million and a over a year later the Federal Bureau of Investigation found no evidence of criminal conduct.

This is why I do not engage, debate or argue with people who are still hanging on to the emails.

Moving on.

Except...one more thing. I have to assume that those of you who just CAN'T get past these many, many investigations must be FBI investigators yourselves or on the Congressional Hearing committees and somehow are aware of things that the rest of the general population and, dare I say it, even those who made the findings in both situations, are not aware of. If so, please speak up. Seriously. We want to know what you know that the people who spent years investigating her don't know.

These are the reasons I support Hillary Clinton, as succinct and brief as I can be.

Her 2002 vote in the Senate was to give President Bush the leverage she believed would help finish the negotiations between Saddam Hussein and the United Nations and I truly believe her thoughtful and deliberate speech from the Senate floor reflected what every good leader should do: research thoroughly their decisions. There are details within that speech, very important historical details, that help clarify and elaborate why she voted the way she did. Although President Bush used his ensuing authority in a way that resulted in thousands of American deaths through war I was impressed with her deliberation and strength in making such a tough decision. Remember, there was no crystal ball and we were reeling as a nation following the attacks of 9/11; an attack that happened in her very own Senate District.

Some may disagree with the vote but there is no denying she laid out her reasons clearly and voted based upon her knowledge of Iraq's threat rather than her gut or on impulse. Okay, I realize there may be a FEW of you out there who maybe DO have crystal balls and somehow, because of that, you must have private evidence that she secretly KNEW President Bush was going to immediately rush to war. Maybe you are the ones continuing to push the false narrative that she loves war. If so, share your insight with the rest of us. Truly.

Hillary has first and foremost been a proponent of diplomacy and her efforts to bring about a ceasefire between Hamas and Israel is a prime example. She's already forged respected relationships with Israel, Egypt and Palestine.

Speaking of relationships with foreign nations, Clinton's exhaustive travel resulted in her meeting with more countries than any previous Secretary of State. Her fingerprints are on many international policies, including securing the bipartisan supported START (Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty) ratification with Russia, the release of political prisoners from Myanmar in 2012, and her participation in the Iranian nuclear agreement means she will already be in a firm and knowledgeable position to apply pressure from the oval office if she becomes President. With regard to Iran, she has been extremely firm as Senator but then accused of being soft while representing President Obama's stance; during the Iran deal she was able to work with China and Russia as well in joining the United States. Bottom line: regardless of a person's agreement on how firm she should or shouldn't have been there is nobody running for President in a better position to step into office on day one and deal with Iran. She has on the job experience in a way that can't be simply studied for or handled based upon an individual's whims or gut feelings depending upon the day. I trust her.

Secretary Clinton was also a pivotal player behind the scenes in opening relations with Cuba, something the Pope has even been a part of.

Let me pause for a moment and share something.

I didn't support Hillary when she ran for President in 2008. From the moment I heard Barack Obama speak at the Democratic National Convention in 2004 I began following him. He was my guy in 2008 and nothing Hillary could've done was going to change that.

I remember thinking and even saying "I think she's brilliant and experienced but it's not her time." As if I had any qualifications to determine when it was or wasn't her time. In all honesty, the real truth was probably that he spoke to me on a deeper level and, in hindsight, I didn't research her history. I just LIKED him more. This time I did research Hillary. Thoroughly. And what I found left me humbled for not realizing how amazing she really is. How in awe of her I am. How sick it makes me when I read the hate and vitriol online or when I hear "lock her up" chants or a call for her to be executed. It baffles me on a deeply profound level.

Moving on.

Her history with trade is complex, as international trade is known to be, and she's dealt with each trade situation case by case. But hey, "case by case" isn't a sexy two word sound bite, is it?

As Senator, she voted on 10 trade deals with a "yes" to six and "no" to four. An example of a "no" was CAFTA because she didn't feel it protected American jobs. She has always maintained that each needed to be looked at individually and, as with TPP, as more information is available a stance can logically change. With regard to TPP, though, folks often forget that she was representing the Obama administration as Secretary of State, not voting on it as a Senator. The roles are very different. She is opposed to it now and she has the freedom to be. When I look at her history I always try to explore what her job was at the time and what her responsibilities were. A Senator and a Secretary of State are different. A similar situation occurred with the Keystone Pipeline. As Secretary of State she was also representing the administration; because of this, she said they were inclined to back it but QUALIFIED (I know, not sexy) by noting that analyses wasn't complete and they hadn't taken a final position. Frankly, that is all she said until 2015 when she opposed it based upon that "further" analyses.

Sorry to do this, but let me pause again.

I'm married to an engineer. He painfully ponders every decision and may change his mind on something multiple times as new information becomes available and as he explores how different details work together within this new information. Because of this, I feel safe. I feel like I can trust him to never go off half cocked and put our family's finances, safety or future at risk. Maybe that is why I LIKE that Hillary has, at times, changed her mind depending upon her role and depending upon new analyses of information.

Moving on.

Haiti & Honduras are examples of two different situations that she was involved with. As UN special envoy in Haiti she helped raise hundreds of millions of dollars after the 2010 earthquake and as Secretary of State she visited multiple times and helped facilitate the securing of billions of dollars for the country. Honduras was far more complicated but at the end of the day was an Obama administration's call. Hindsite is always 20/20 and declaring a coup immediately would've shut off all international aid. The administration feared a civil war and loss of life. To intervene or not to intervene was the dilemma. When I talk about "on the job training" this is what I mean. She's got it.

Volunteering for the campaign has allowed me to meet a number of people who know her personally and they all say the same thing: she is at her best when visiting a third world country, bending down and talking to children. It is her ability to be nurturing in these situations when the spotlight isn't on her but, yet, strong and commanding when in a position of having to take a very difficult or controversial stance that makes me admire her even more.

She worked for children, farmers and veterans when First Lady of Arkansas and was behind the CHIP program which resulted in thousands of low income children receiving health care. She set the stage for healthcare reform in this country. Her speech on women's rights in Bejing is still honored today and is considered a game changer internationally. She walked through the rubble after 9/11 and worked to secure services for first responders and to rebuild. While Senator, she was respected across the aisle and it seems to be only when she is running for office that so much ugliness is directed at her. Her amazing work for foster children is actually one of the things I love the most about her and even more impressive is that she worked so closely with GOP House Majority Leader Tom DeLay in order to draft policy. One of the thing Americans are most frustrated with when it comes to Washington is the inability of both sides to work together. Hillary can and has worked very closely across the aisle with Republicans; they just won't admit it during a campaign season.

She trusts no one outside of her inner circle and I don't blame her. She's been followed, attacked and belittled for decades. Rumors and conspiracy theories abound but she stands strong. She stared down hours and hours of questions before Congress with no wrong doing to be found and, yet, people still repeat the rumors, the lies, the exaggerations, the stories devoid of specifics that would clarify or explain, and the right wing propaganda machine.

The speaking fees? She was paid because of her knowledge. It is her intellectual property, she was no longer in office, and there is absolutely no, nada, zero evidence that any "favors" were granted as a result nor that they would be. People with desired experience get paid to speak but it only seems to be a problem the handful of times SHE did it.

Before I wrap this up, in case some of you Hillary haters have made it this far, let me just address one more thing that I've taken the time to explore. The books about her. The juicy stories about throwing things or yelling profanities. David Brock, author of "Troopergate", has since admitted that he isn't certain of the truthfulness of his sources and regrets writing the book. Other supposed quotes in other books have no identified sources, often take her words out of context and, in some cases, make claims about her statements that by date and claimed places simply are not possible. These types of books I put in the "conspiracy theory" category.

In the 90's I wondered why she stayed with President Clinton after the scandal but then I married and had children. I realized I had been harsh to have questioned a decision so private, so personal and I continue to wonder how average citizens, with flaws and family secrets, can have judged her so harshly. Everything she has ever done she's had to do better, longer and with a thicker skin all while wearing heels, makeup and enduring comments criticizing her wardrobe, her figure, her hair and voice. And, yet, she continues to fight for what she believes in and for this country. She is stronger than I could ever be and she is a pivotal female role model for my daughter. She is not perfect but, then, who is? I don't know her personally and I don't want her to be my friend. I want her to be my President. I want her knowledge, experience and intelligence leading us.

Hillary is made of nails. She's prepared in a way that probably no other candidate has ever been prepared to step into the oval office on day one, look at our domestic and international issues with a fully discerning and pragmatic lense, able to act with deliberate thought and sense and not emotion or impulse, and she is, no question, the best choice for this country.

I don't always agree with her but I'll sleep soundly at night knowing she will get that 3 am wakeup call.

So the next time someone asks me why I support Hillary I will simply send them this link. Feel free to do the same and proudly proclaim #imwithher!!

The Ugliness of Healing

We could learn a great deal about human behavior simply from watching our own bodies at work.

I suffered a severe ankle sprain a week ago. Watching the healing process has reminded me of another process, one we should be cognizant of when dealing with each other.

My ankle hurt badly at first. So bad that I cried. It swelled and had to be elevated.

But as the ankle heals, it looks worse. In fact, the black and blue discoloration was really quite gross and ugly at one point.

It reminds me of humans when we are working through the grieving process.

Think about it.

When someone close to us dies we often lash out at those around us. It is to be expected. Most of the time, for sensitive and aware individuals, we don't take this anger personally. We chalk it up to the grieving process and try to give the person who is hurting time and space.

Once the early stages pass, and the person in pain continues moving forward, they let go of the anger.

But make no mistake, when we are healing we can often be ugly and may not appear to be our usual selves on the outside.

It is much easier to sympathize with an individual who is physically hurting when we can actually see, with our own two eyes, the black and blue marks. So we have to look for the signs not reflected in the physical body when someone is healing from emotional pain.

This person may be curt when talking to you. They may be extra sensitive and lash out at perceived slights that were never intended. This person may attempt to cut off relationships irrationally.

These are all the ugly parts of the healing process. Sadly, the difference between these and a bruise is that bruises don't leave permanent cuts in a relationship.

If you are on the receiving end of a person's "ugly bruising" try to step back and remember that it truly is a process. Most recover eventually and may regret how they acted.

I want that to be the case with the tone and tenor of many United States citizens regarding the San Bernardino shooting and the anger towards all Muslims.

I hope, once the initial shock and fear pass, that the ugly "bruising" we are seeing and hearing so much of will diminish and that many of these previously tolerant and kind people will look back in horror at the mass labeling of Muslims as "terrorists", at the hateful speech and threatening actions.

If and when this happens, those of us who watched the process need to be kind. We need to understand that they were lashing out from fear and sadness.

This doesn't apply to all of the people filled with mistrust and anger towards the Muslim community (some will never change; bigotry is simply a part of the internal wiring of certain individuals), but I have to believe that many of the people in this country who are so openly ugly are simply reacting to the initial anger and sadness over the shooting. They are frustrated with ISIS and with what they understandably cannot understand. Maybe they are just working through the process.

Just like my ankle.

It has to get uglier before it can fully heal.

Our nation has experienced this type of ugliness before and I daresay it will happen in the future. Such is our species.

We should pay attention to mother nature, though, and not allow the ugliness to take over.

I'm keeping my ankle wrapped and I am aware of what the bruising and the discoloration means. It will go away and I need to speed that process along as quickly as possible.

I wish we could wrap Donald Trump and the others like him with an ace bandage so the process can't be broadcast so loudly.

I fear these wounds are more like a terminal disease for many though. Unable to heal.

Please let your fear be a minor pain; allow the bruises to work through the process but then heal. Go back to being the good, kind and sensible people I know you once were.

Please.

Ways to Keep Busy While Running a Half Marathon

13.1 miles is a really long time when you are running. Okay, FINE, I'll humbly acknowledge when I am walking/running. The first thing I discovered when training was that a four minute run/two minute walk was my salvation; as long as I could maintain that pace I knew I could finish. Beyond that, how in God's name does a person stay sane while covering that distance on foot? Here are a few of my activities.

Poop before the race. Do not laugh at this. Very, VERY important. If you can't do it at home then head to the porta-potty the minute you arrive at the starting site because if you are lucky you'll find one untouched (aww, the sweet pleasures in life). If you do not manage this very basic human action then you will spend the next 13.1 miles worrying about it. Who needs worry?

Pandora beats the shuffle every time. Because you never know what song is coming next which means you never think "God, I'm so sick of that song" (trust me, this comes from experience).

Never wear underwear that is too big. Don't laugh. I've had my underwear slide all the way down under my butt cheeks before and let me tell you, it's slightly embarrassing having to shove your hand down the back of your shorts in order to pull them back up again. In addition, even though you KNOW it's your undewear, it FEELS like your shorts so you panic thinking your shorts have slid all the way down your backside. Race day? Definitely don't want to provide stories for the people behind you. Solution? Shorts that have a built in underwear liner. I run in one pair of shorts almost exclusively. When they die my running days may die with them. That's how much I love these shorts.

Check out the butts of people in front of you. Now don't laugh, this can provide a large chunk of entertainment and it's actually my favorite part of participating in races (besides the medals). I've discovered that butts of all shapes and sizes run. I've also discovered that some look good in certain types of shorts and others, well, made me realize how horrifying my own ass must've looked in those tight KU running pants I so proudly sported last March. Seriously. Thick spandex ladies, I beg of you; because cheap, thin spandex shows every...single...dimple...and choose black. I came up behind a nude colored pair of spandex shorts and thought the woman was naked. And this was not someone I'd want to see nude. For the love of God, no nude spandex. Ever.

Spend time looking at the ground so you avoid stepping in the hundreds of wads of phlegm that dot the surface. Yes, I'll admit to having spit a few times in the past when running but it was ONLY in extremely hot weather and I made it a point to spit towards the side of the sidewalk into the grass. Phlegm on the sidewalk keeps me focused on not puking rather than my own fatigue. Even the disgusting things in life can come in handy.

Check out real estate along the run. Realize some houses will be out of your price range forever. Accept this. Use other houses as a reminder to never, ever complain about your own again. Spot a cute apartment with a balcony and a cool view downtown? Imagine the amount of fun the twenty-something hottie who lives in it must be having...they probably don't drive a van (so uncool)...they are probably sleeping in right now after partying all night...ask yourself what the hell happened because YOU used to be cool...then look at the nude spandex in front of you and remember that at least you aren't wearing THOSE...and remind yourself that you are over half way to retirement while twenty-something hottie has his/her entire career to sweat for "the man" and chuckle softly in gratitude that you don't have a hangover or the beer shits today because YOU went to bed early. Puff out your chest, feel righteous and move on to the next mile.

Check out the sun rising and close your eyes for a moment (only a moment, you'll trip and fall if you keep your eyes closed too long) savoring the moment. Then remember that a blind woman with a guide passed you at mile two.

About the time you are feeling pretty accomplished at mile 10 notice the cool bicycles and official looking guys on them coming up on your left and in that moment realize they are leading the marathon leader. Accept that there are people getting ready to pass you and they've run TWENTY THREE+ FREAKING MILES to your measly ten. Now this will provide some really good food for thought, hopefully taking your mind off the fact that you are starting to lean a little while running, in a broken/intoxicated and embarrassing sort of way (you know this because you can see your shadow on the ground in front of you and it's rather bizarre). Think about how much you hate that marathon runner. Seriously. Who the hell runs that fast? Then notice the three graceful "gazelle-chariots of fire" sleek and lean runners pass you WHILE HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH EACH OTHER. For the love of GOD, who can talk after running 23 miles?

Alternate between hating these over achievers and admiring them. Briefly, in a psychological break (it's okay, these things happen when the body starts to weaken), imagine that it is YOU in the lead, after having run 24 miles...wait, after running 100 miles (it's YOUR mental breakdown so why not Hollywood this up), and you are getting ready to head down the finisher's chute to cheers, glory and a made for TV movie in your future!

Shake yourself back to reality after tripping and notice your bizarrely shaped shadow again (is that an old woman in front of you?). Keenly observe that there truly are some genetic differences between those of you on the right side of the road (i.e. 1/2 marathon runners bringing up the rear) and those on the left side of the road. For starters, no fat. Seriously. Not a single, teeny, tiny ounce of fat anywhere to be seen. And much can be seen. Because these guys have loose tank tops on and tiny running shorts. In 40 degree weather. And they are sprinting. It would be like filling a basketball court with average people and then throwing Wilt Chamberlain into the middle. He'd kind of stand out.

Smile at the supporters during the early miles of the race and pat those fun signs that say "touch here for power".

Grin through your teeth at about mile 8 and silently wonder what the hell these folks are getting out of standing out here in the cold weather cheering you on. Tell yourself you are being a dick and accept that they are sweet and keep chugging away.

Look for a rock at about mile 11 so you can knock those grins off their faces. Imagine places you can shove those stupid cow bells. Don't they know you are dying? Realize in that moment that you can't feel you hand and even if you could you aren't sure you have the strength to throw a rock, much less shove anything into anything. In fact, at this point you are pretty sure that if you had underwear on and if it were to slide down you'd simply have to cross the finish line with panties hanging out of the bottom of your shorts because you wouldn't even have the strength to pull them up.

Notice the shadow shape again and begin giggling uncontrollably.

At mile 13, you know you are home free so you can finally remove the headphones and listen to the cheers. As you enter the finisher's chute, start to sprint because, hey, you want to look like you've kept up THIS pace the entire race. Yes, I'm a bad ass!! Immediately cringe as your calf says "oh HELL no you don't" and realize if you do more than a slow jog you'll be on the ground crawling towards that mat in humiliation. So chin up high, jog like you feel fresh and then, once you cross, find yourself fighting back tears.

As with most things I write, there are doses of exaggeration and humor thrown in.

But I was serious about the underwear. And the pooping.

Oh, and the sunrise. The messages within a sunrise can provide sustenance for any distance if we let them.

Keep It Simple

Keep it simple.

This is the new message to myself today.

Details aren’t important, but after several weeks of intense stress I found myself starting to buckle. Sleepless nights, stomach pain, impatience with my family and…the number one tell-tale sign that something major is going on with me…a fever blister knocking at the door (managed to keep HIM at bay, fortunately).

At times like these I begin to question everything about myself, start believing that every action is the wrong one, every word out of my mouth should have been something different and I wonder if every person I come into contact with thinks very little of me.

Insecurities don’t just sneak up, they come flying at me like Mike Tyson’s left hook.

Again, the details aren’t important; it is the solution that I am in need of.

Here are the two things I must do when these emotions come visiting. I must change the self-talk going on in my head and distance myself from the cause of the stress.

Marah played in a soccer tournament out of town this weekend, which provided a distraction and a built in escape from ground zero. But that doesn’t mean the self-talk went away. Not even close.

It has been slow going, but the new messages are starting to flow a little more freely, a little more consistently and I am starting to believe them.

I am human.

I am flawed.

My heart is in the right place.

I am not responsible for the actions of other people.

I am not fully cognizant of all details in all situations. I am making assumptions….and we all know what ends up happening when we make assumptions.

Do not trust people who are not in my inner circle. Understand that as a species, we individually will most often do what we need to do to further our own personal agendas.

I am who I am and should never apologize for being the sum of my life experiences as long as I follow the golden rule.

Keep it simple; keep it in perspective.

It is not trite to step back and think about someone you know who is in the midst of a terminal illness when we get caught up in the drama of non-life threatening life situations.

It is perspective.

It is not trite to consider the people within our own communities who are hungry, poor, battling addiction or living with abuse when we get caught up in non-life threatening day to day stress.

This all became clear to me over the weekend when I spoke with a young man from Serbia. In the context of a jovial conversation I asked if he had ever visited Dubrovnik, Croatia, because I have been there and it is beautiful.

Seven words said it all as he shook his head no.

“They don’t like us very much there.”

War.

That was the perspective I needed to pull myself over the hurdle.

Find your own perspective, whatever it may be, and use kindness and compassion within the messages you give yourself.

Today is my reboot. And if I find myself slipping again? I’ll just return to these words as a reminder.